white, cold, sick, slip, new year, silent sigh
it snows here today. when i woke up this morning, and saw the snow for the first time (just like u did), gw ga tau gw musti seneng atau musti sedih. gw mungkin harus seneng, krn ini pertama kalinya gw ngliat salju, dan bener2 ngerasain sendiri, apalagi ini saju pertama di victoia after 1998.. can u believe that? its like, 5 years.. dan utk pertama kalinya salju disini sejak itu. tapi gw jg sedih. why? because i'm having a goddamn cold yg parah dan ga sembuh2 sejak dr kira2 tgl 28 desember, which means udah seminggu. and i was supposed to do groceries, dan gw lg sakit, dan diluar salju! err... its just sad, sad. the wind.. omg, the wind.
i havent told u how my new year celebration went, have i? it was great. gw ngerayain taon baru dengan.... tepar ga bisa bangon dr tempat tidur. excuse me? yup, thats right, lo ngga salah baca. taon baru gw di tempat tidur, sakit, tergeletak, tersiksa, nothing but a piece of a sick meat. rotten, more like. gejala2 sakitnya udah kliatan dr tgl 28, gw udah prepare sih, dan tetep taon baru rencana harus keluar. jd gw jam 7 malem tetep keluar, ke downtown, ketemuan brg temen2 gw yg emang udah janjian, but it was just fuckin wrong. it was stupid. i thought i could handle it. i thought i could stand the cold. i thought i was strong enough - both body and soul. in the end? around 9 o'clock, only 2 hours after i met them, gw ga kuat dan gw cabut. balik ke rumah, nymape tempat tidur gw langsung tegeletak, tepar. sempet kebangon mungkin pas jam 12-an, pas taon barunya, mungkin, denger suara petasan dr jauh. and that was it. sad, sad.
back to today's story. udah tanggal 3, dan gw belom bayar rent ke scott. guilty feeling, walaupun dia ga bilang apa2. artinya harus ke atm. dan di kulkas makanan gw udah menipis, maklum sejak taon baru gw blom kluar kemana2, bener2 di rumah doang, tidur gw ada kali 18 jam sehari. gw dah nyadar ini dr kmaren, dan emang udah diniatin pergi. eh, salju. mending sakju doang. anginnya.. my god... kayaknya gw salah deh milih tinggal di pulau gini, di deket pantai pula. anginnya bener2 kenceng, kaya mau badai gt. si scott bilang, waktu dia tinggal di banff (ada deh kota di rocky mountain gt) yg winter mulu tiap saat, itu kayanya lbh mending drpd disini krn disana anginnya ngga segila disini. tp berhubung dah niat, akhirnya gw pasang baju siap tempur, dan gw dgn pedenya kluar sakit2 parah gini. yak, yg bikin malu, pas udah slese blanja trus mau jalan ke tempat bus stop, gw jatoh, sliding dgn sukses di salju2 itu dgn blanjaan gw yg berhamburan kemana2 di pinggir jalan raya. huaaa.. gw udah mau nangis rasanya td pas kaya gt. udah mana lg sakit, ditambah jatoh pula, nyut2an langsung.
belom ton, penderitaan gw blom selesai. masih ada nambah satu lagi: mak-nya scott balik kesini lg. yup. dont ask me why. i have no idea. waktu tgl 27 si maknya scott emang udah pergi, tp ternyata cuman ke langley ( ada deh kota laen di alberta gt) utk ngunjungin adeknya dia, dan guess what, kmaren dia balik lagi kesini. omg.. dan bener aja, seperti biasa, pagi ini gw kebangon dgn suara mreka berdua tereak2an lagi., back to the old days.. aarrrggghhh... dan gw lupa si scott bilangnya kapan dia bakal balik.. mudah2an besok deh!! jangan ampe dia tinggal seminggu lg disini..
in times like this, u have no idea, how much i miss home. this is, honestly, and i can actually feel it, my ultimate homesick. ultimate, i said, cuz dr smua homesick2 yg pernah gw rasain, baik di malay maupun disini, ini bener2 yg paling dalem, plg deep, plg sakit (dalam arti di hati), ultimate in every sense ton, apalagi nilai ip gw yg ancur, dan gw bener2 depress. gw kaya mau ancur. gw pengen nagis, but i cant. i really tried to, cuz i really want to, but i just couldnt. there was no tears. it was a silent cry. it was a silent sigh.